Which nation are you, part 687
From: kaladorn@m...
Date: Thu, 19 Sep 2002 13:16:35 -0400
Subject: Which nation are you, part 687
Your platoon has been ordered to execute an attack which you, as an
experienced soldier and platoon commander, believe offers a high risk
of excessive casualties and a low likelihood of success. Your
response to the order is:
1. In a reasonable manner, raise your concerns. Express the factual
basis for your worries. If the concerns are allayed, accept the
order. If the concerns are ignored, consider escalating up the chain
of command. If all else fails, brew some tea and give the chaps the
bad news.
2. Accept the order (orders are orders and an Army is built on
discipline), then convene with your senior NCOs and work like die
Teuffel to develop an attack plan which minimizes casualties and
enhances success odds.
3. Accept the order (the Commisar's sidearm resting on your temple is
a great incentive) and attempt to carry it out because getting shot
from the front by the enemy is at least more respectable than getting
shot in the back by the Commisar.
4. Call the commander some very colourful things, speculate on the
nature of his parentage, call into question his intelligence,
judgement, and personal sanitation habits. Then, after he returns the
favour, grumble, accept the order, and carry it out to the last man.
C'est la guerre.
5. Tell the commander he's a "bleedin' loony b*st*rd". Then ask him
how much beer's in it for the boys if they pull off the manouver. If
the offer is good enough, launch the attack. If not, tell him to
shove it and call back when he finds some more beer.
6. Accept the order, tell the troops it is the Will of Allah, and be
sure to stumble and be knocked senseless early in the attack so as to
delay proving the truth about the 72 virgins for another few years.
7. Examine the odds arrayed before you. Conclude that the enemy does
not stand a chance. Sharpen your curved knives and smile.
8. Accept the order, as tradition demands. Diligently evolve the most
devious attack possible. Lead your men into battle wielding your
sword as honour requires.
9. Madre De Dios! This plan is insane. Phone your brother, who is the
General's adjutant and your cousin who works at Army HQ and get them
to pressure your third-cousin (the General) to cancel this suicidal
attack.
10. Get a translator to explain the commander's order to make sure
there is no confusion. Then explain how your own
restricted ROE prohibits such offensive action outside certain
specific demarkated zones, of which this is not one. Then explain how
your troops do not have the appropriate equipment or training for
this mission. Then explain that blue berets make excellent targets.
By the time all explanations are complete, the attack launch hour has
passed and the point is moot.
11. Yiiiiiiii'cha! The Hunt begins.......
12. Having been created only for this explicit purpose, it would
never occur to you to question. Carry out your orders unconcerned
about your survival. If you survive, you will have outlived your
purpose and will be re-integrated into the protein supply chain
anyway.