Fwd: [OT] something to make you smile...

Couldn't resist forwarding this to the list, especially as traffic is
light
today.....

Jon (GZG)
>
>>From: "Carl Desforges" <Panda@boiledspoons.freeserve.co.uk>
>>	  "Ground Zero Games" <jon@gzg.com>
>>Subject: hmmm
>>Date: Mon, 29 May 2000 09:56:45 +0100
>>MIME-Version: 1.0
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>>Status:
>>
>>Something to mess with your head...
>>
>>STAR WARS IN GLASGOW!
>>
>>
>>What would happen if Star Wars was set in Glasgow.......
>>
>>Chewbacca  would  look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft
tall,
>>from	Blackhill,  and  called Shug.  He'd have the same amount of body
hair
>>but  would  also  have  tattoos,  would  permanently	smell  of 
drink, and
>>invariably sport either a Rangers or Celtic top.
>>
>>Obi-Wan  Kenobi  would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin
by his
>>cohorts.   People  trying  to  start	a fight with him would address
him as
>>Wanky-Nobby.	 Darth Vader would be referred to as "Auld Helmet Heid"
or in
>>moments of stress "That Dome-Heided Basturd".
>>
>>R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the
number
>>of  drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head casing or
piss on
>>him.	 He  would  also  refuse  to  go  near groups of wee boys at any
time
>>because  of  the  high  risk	of  being  spray painted/dumped in front
of a
>>speeding train/set on fire.
>>
>>Although  proficient	in over 3,500 languages C3P0 would still be
unable to
>>understand  anything	anyone	from  the East End of Glasgow said.  He
would
>>regularly get beaten up for being a "greetin-faced poof fae
Milngavie".
>>
>>The  Millennium  Falcon  would  have	static strips, tinted
windscreens and
>>extra-flared exhaust ports.  It would have a Daily Record "I Love
Scotland"
>>sticker in the back window and a saltire bumper sticker.
>>
>>Princess  Leia  would  get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard
to run
>>very	fast  when  you're  wearing 5 inch heels and a tiny silver
mini-skirt
>>which  keeps	hiking	up  over your arse every two steps, and you've
been a
>>heavy smoker since you were six.
>>
>>The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a
desperate
>>all out attack.  Two easy ways would be:-
>>
>>(1)  Alter  its orbit so it passed through Bridgeton and tell the
locals it
>>    was full of Catholics.
>>
>>(2) Leave it unattended in Easterhouse.
>>
>>
>>
>>Translated lines from the film:-
>>
>>Han Solo:
>>
>>"I've got a real bad feeling about this."
>>"Ah'm shitin' ma sel' here boy."
>>
>>"Bring 'em on!  I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking
around."
>>"Come  ahead	then!	Ah'll tak' on the f***ing lot o' ye!  Ah've bin
dyin'
>>furra square go."
>>
>>"There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny."
>>"The Force?!!  D'youse think ah came doon wae the rain?"
>>
>>"Hokey  religions  and  ancient  weapons are no match for a good
blaster at
>>your side, kid."
>>"Nae messin aboot wae the god squad and auld rubbish, wee man.  Get
yersel'
>>a decent shooter."
>>
>>Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker:
>>
>>"The Force is strong in this one."
>>"Stop shooglin' aboot, ya wee basturd!"
>>
>>Princess Leia:
>>
>>"You're a little short for a Storm-trooper aren't you?"
>>"Ah didnae think they took short-erses in the polis."
>>
>>"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
>>"Wuv goat NAE chance in this pile o' shite."
>>
>>Admiral Motti:
>>
>>"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader."
>>"You think you're that hard, Vader.  Well we're no feart ay you!"
>>
>>Luke to the Emperor:
>>
>>"Your overconfidence is your weakness."
>>"Ye'r a cocky wee shite."
>>
>>Obi Wan:
>>
>>"I felt a great disturbance in the Force."
>>"F*** me!  Whit wiz that?"
>>
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