[OT} maintenance funnies

>>Here are some actual maintenance complaints ("Squawks")
submitted by U.S.
>>Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance
crews. "Squawks" are
>>problem listings that pilots generally leave for
maintenance crews to fix
>>before the next flight.
>>(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

>>(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
>>(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

>>(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
>>(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

>>(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid,
>>(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers
lack normal
>>seepage

>>(P) Something loose in cockpit
>>(S) Something tightened in cockpit

>>(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
>>(S) Evidence removed

>>(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
>>(S) Volume set to more believable level

>>(P) Dead bugs on windshield
>>(S) Live bugs on order

>>(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm
descent
>>(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

>>(P) IFF inoperative
>>(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

>>(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
>>(S) That's what they're there for

>>(P) Number three engine missing
>>(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

>>(P) Aircraft handles funny
>>(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be
serious

>>(P) Target Radar hums
>>(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics