Fwd: A little late for Halloween, but still funny

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Forwarded message:
From:	AFRANKS@cwny.cushwake.com (Amanda Franks)
To:	aquavitt@aol.com, mrubinst@wcii.com (Marlo Rubinstein),
naggaroth@aol.com, rschroed@mail.utexas.edu, sanford@bolandch.com,
treemark@mail.ziplink.net, tsulliva@hawaii.edu
Date: 96-11-07 23:05:59 EST

The Top 15 Complaints of Modern Day Vampires

15> Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.

14> Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.

13> Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.

12> Three Words: Daylight Savings Time

11> Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck
    yelling, "Look Ma!	It's Elvis!"

10> After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find
    clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.

 9> After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.

 8> No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.

 7> With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs
    are suddenly off-limits.

 6> No warm blood for miles around DC.

 5> Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.

 4> No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.

 3> Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized
    "hardbodies."

 2> Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.

    and the Number 1 Complaint of Modern Day Vampires...

 1> Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards.