Fw: [Fwd: Navy Life]

Bear in mind that this was writtern by a USN sailor.  I wonder what
those ESU ships are like?

> > Directions	for civilians to simulating Life on a Navy ship... or
for
> > those of you who miss Navy Life:
>>
> > 1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months
> >  straight.
> > 2. Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside
> >  of the walls.
> > 3. Pump 10 inches of crappy water into your basement, then
> >  pump  it out, clean up, and paint the basement "deck gray"
> > 4. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the
> > scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can,
> >  pay $10 per beer until you're hammered, then walk home in the
freezing
> >  cold.
> >  5. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.
> >   6. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature
> >   up  to 200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to
10
> >  degrees. On Saturdays, and Sundays declare to your entire family
that
> > they used too much water during the week, so all showering is
secured.
> >   7. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling.
> >   8. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and
blow
> >  a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout
"Reveille,
> > Reveille, all hands heave out and trice up"
> > 9. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do
> > the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at
> > 6am and read it to you.
> > 10. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days
> >  straight, then lock the bathroom door for 12 hours, and hang a sign
on
> > it that reads "Secured - contact OA DIV at X-3053"
> > 11. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's ok
> >  for you to leave your house before 3pm.
> > 12. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, then
> >  board up all the windows and doors to your house for 6 months.
After
> > the 6 months is up, take down the boards, and since you're on duty,
wave at
> > your friends and family through the front window of your home...you
> > can't leave until the next day.
> > 13. Shower with above-mentioned friends.
> > 14. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your
> > home(i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician,etc)
> > 15. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure
> > every few minutes.
> > 16. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going
anywhere.
> > This is to ensure your engine is properly "lit off".
> > 17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your
> >  driveway 3 times a day, whether they need it or not.
> > 18. Repaint your entire house once a month.
> > 19. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and
> > seasoning you can get your hands on.
> > 20. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, randomly
> > losing every 5th item.
> > 21. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch
> > CNN and the Weather Channel.
> > 22. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat
> > shears.
> > 23. Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.
> > 24. Spend 2 weeks in the red-light districts of Europe, and call it
> > "world travel"
> > 25. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonalds, and NOT get
> > promoted.
> > 26. Ensure that any promotions you do get are from stepping on the
> > bodies of your co-workers.
> > 27. Needle	the aluminum siding on your house after your
> >  neighbors have gone to bed.
> > 28. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a
> > megaphone, and shout at the top of your lungs that your home is
under
> > attack, and order them to man their battle stations.
> > 29. Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that
> >  you are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for at
> > least an hour, when they finally get to the kitchen, tell them that
you are
> > out of steak, but you have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until
> > they don't pay attention to the menu any more they just ask for hot
dogs.
> > 30. In the middle of January, place a podium at the end of your
> > driveway. Have you family stand watches at the podium, rotating at
> > 4-hour intervals.
> > 31. Lock yourself and your family in your house for 6 weeks. Then
> >  tell them that at the end of the 6th week you're going to take them
to
> > Disneyland for "weekend liberty". When the end of the 6th week rolls
> > around, inform them that Disneyland has been cancelled due to the
fact
> > that they need to get ready for E-cert, and that it will be another
> > week before they can leave the house. Put your family through these,
and
> > then let them tell you how glamorous Navy life is.