Murphy's Laws of Combat

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From: "ANDREW SOUTH" <ASOUTH@nsati2.ait.ac.nz>
Organization:  Auckland Institute of Technology
To: HeavyGear@coffeehaus.com
Date:	       Tue, 1 Oct 1996 17:38:02 GMT+1200
Subject: [HGML] [NOISE] Murphy's Laws of Combat Operations
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OK, a couple of weeks ago someone asked for the Murphy's list of 
combat ops. It took me a fortnight, but I finally tracked down my 
(hard) copy of it (moral - NEVER tidy your room, you loose 
everything). So, here they are :

Originally from Ratinox's page
	    http://www.ccs.neu.edu/home/ratinox
	    
1.  Friendly fire - isn't.
2.  Recoiless rifles - aren't.
3.  Suppressive fires - won't.
4.  You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
5.  A sucking chest wound is Natures way of telling you to slow down.
6.  If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
7.  Try to look unimportant, the enemy may be low on ammo and not 
    want to waste a bullet on you.
8.  If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.
9.  If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall 
    short.
10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
11. Never go to bed with someone crazier than yourself.
12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
13. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
14. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
15. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions :
	- when they're ready
	- when you're not.
16. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact. 
17. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.	
18. Five second fuses always burn in three seconds. 
19. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.	
20. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.  
21. The important things are always simple; the simple things are 
    always hard. 
22. The easy way is always mined.   
23. Teamwork is esential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
24. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason it is not 
    at all uncommon for aircraft carrieres to be known as bomb 
    magnets.
25. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
26. If you are short of ebverything but the enemy, you are in a 
    combat zone.
27. When you have secured an area, make sure that the enemy knows it 
    too.
28. Incoming fire has the right of way.
29. No combat ready unit has every passed inspection.
30. No inspection ready unit has every passed combat.
31. If you are in range, so are the enemy.
32. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming 
    friendly fire.
33. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
34. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field 
    that way.
35. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
36. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially 
    during both.
37. Anything you do can get you killed, including doing nothing.
38. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able 
    to get out.
39. Tracers work both ways.
40. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get 
    more than your fair share of objectives to take.
41. When both sides are convinced that they are going to loose, 
    they're both right.
42. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of 
    dangerous amateurs.
43. Military Intelligence is a contridiction.
44. Fortify your front, you'll get your rear shot up.
45. Weather ain't neutral.
46. If you can't remember, the Claymore is always pointing towards you
47. Air Defence motto : shoot 'em down, sort 'em out on the ground.
48. Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.
49. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
50. Napalm is an area support weapon.
51. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.    
52. Snipers motto : reach out and touch someone.
53. Killing for peach is like screwing for virginity.
54. b-52's are the ultimate close support weapon.
55. The one item you need is always in short supply.
56. Interchangeable parts aren't.
57. It's not he one with your name on it; its the one addressed "to 
    whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
58. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
59. The side with the simplest uniform wins.
60. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjacent maps.
61. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
62. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, 
    never stay awake when you can sleep.
63. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with 
    a map and a compass.
64. Exceptions prove the rule, and always destroy the battleplan.
65. Everything always works in yopur HQ, everthing always fails in 
    the Colonel's HQ.
66. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
67. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
68. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
69. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be outin it.
70. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you 
    short on ammo, you can't hit the broadside of a barn.
71. The more a weapon costs, the further away you will have to send 
    it to be repaired.
72. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of 
    the weapon's operator.
73. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you 
    need it.
74. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
75. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove 
    anything.
76. For every action there is an equal and opersite criticism.
77. Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls 
    short.
78. When reviewing the radio frequencies you just wrote down, the 
    important ones are always illegible.
79. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not wnd up KIA or WIA.
80. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't 
    know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't 
    want.
81. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal 
    information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
82. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is thte 
    M60.
83. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after 
    that billet is filled by someone else.
84. When you have sufficent supplies and ammo, the enemy takes two 
    weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies and ammo the enemy 
    will decide to attack that night.
85. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the 
    Medal of Honour.
86. A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of 
    a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive it.
87. Murphy was a grunt.
88. Beer Math -- > 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
89. Body count Math -- > 3 guerillas plus 1 probable plus two pigs 
    equals 37 enemies killed in action.
90. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater 
    than your diving range.
91. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
92. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the 
    smartness of its outfit and appearance.
93. The crucial round is a dud.
94. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
95. Ther is no such thing as a convenient foxhole.
96. Don't be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't volunteer 
    for anything.
97. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the 
    enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
98. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't alk into it.
99. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to 
    outflank him.
100. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of 
    the target.
101. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
102. The more stupid the leader is, the more important the missons he 
    is ordered to carry out.
103. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to 
    his position in the hierachy (as is his deviousness and 
    mischievousness).
104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
105. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the 
    General is watching.
106. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you 
    broadcast on an unsecured channel.
107. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and 
    grenades always fall the farthest distance, the canteen always 
    lands at your feet.
108. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
109. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
110. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely 
    proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
111. Walking point = sniper bait.
112. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it 
    is usually a stupid solution.

Whew !
Well, that all of them as of my last printout.

Enjoy.

Ciao,
Drew.