RE: Test?

Amazing what some cut and paste will do:

Kra'vak Sketch (ex-parrot sketch).

Praline: Hello, I wish to register a complaint... Hello? Miss? 
Shopkeeper: What do you mean, miss? 
Praline: Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint. 
Shopkeeper: Sorry, we're closing for lunch. 
Praline: Never mind that my lad, I wish to complain about this Kra'Vak
what
I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique. 
Shopkeeper: Oh yes, the Va'Tas. What's wrong with it? 
Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's
wrong
with it. 
Shopkeeper: No, no it's resting, look! 
Praline: Look my lad, I know a dead Kra'Vak when I see one and I'm
looking
at one right now. 
Shopkeeper: No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting. 
Praline: Resting? 
Shopkeeper: Yeah, remarkable alien the Va'Tas, beautiful coloration,
innit? 
Praline: The coloration don't enter into it -- it's stone dead. 
Shopkeeper: No, no -- it's just resting. 
Praline: All right then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. [SHOUTS INTO
CAGE]
Hello Kevin! I've got a nice kitten for you when you wake up, Kevin
Kra'Vak!

Shopkeeper: [JOGGING CAGE] There it moved. 
Praline: No he didn't. That was you pushing the cage. 
Shopkeeper: I did not. 
Praline: Yes, you did. [TAKES KRA'VAK OUT OF CAGE, SHOUTS] Hello Kevin,
Kevin... [BANGS IT'S HEAD AGAINST COUNTER] Kevin Kra'Vak, wake up.
Kevin.
[THROWS IT IN THE AIR AND LETS IT FALL TO THE FLOOR] Now that's what I
call
a dead Kra'Vak. 
Shopkeeper: No, no it's stunned. 
Praline: Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That Kra'Vak
is
definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you
assured
me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out
after
a long bloodthirsty rampage. 
Shopkeeper: It's probably pining for the moons. 
Praline: Pining for the moons, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did
it
fall flat on its back the moment I got it home? 
Shopkeeper: The Va'Tas prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful alien,
lovely
coloration. 
Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Kra'Vak, and I
discovered that the only reason that it had been sitting upright in the
first place was that it had been nailed there. 
Shopkeeper: Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would
muscle up
to those bars and voom. 
Praline: Look matey... [PICKS UP KRA'VAK] this Kra'Vak wouldn't voom if
I
put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised. 
Shopkeeper: It's not, it's pining. 
Praline: It's not pining, it's passed on. This Kra'Vak is no more. It
has
ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late
Kra'Vak. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't
nailed it to the floor, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung
down
the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-Kra'Vak. 
Shopkeeper: Well, I'd better replace it then. 
Praline: [TO CAMERA] If you want to get anything done in this country
you've
got to complain till you're blue in the mouth. 
Shopkeeper: Sorry guy, we're right out of Kra'Vaks. 
Praline: I see. I see. I get the picture. 
Shopkeeper: I've got a Phalon. 
Praline: Does it talk? 
Shopkeeper: Not really, no. 
Praline: Well, it's scarcely a replacement, then is it? 
Shopkeeper: Listen, I'll tell you what, [HANDING OVER A CARD] tell you
what,
if you go to my brother's alien emporium in New Anglia he'll replace
your
Kra'Vak for you. 
Praline: New Anglia eh? 
Shopkeeper: Yeah. 
Praline: All right. He leaves, holding the Kra'Vak. 
Caption: A SIMILAR ALIEN EMPORIUM IN NEW ANGLIA, LANCS 
Close-up of sign on door reading: 'Similar Alien emporiums Ltd'. Pull
back
from sign to see same alien emporium. Shopkeeper now has moustache.
Praline
walks into shop. He looks around with interest, noticing the empty
Kra'Vak
cage still on the floor. 
Praline: Er, excuse me. This is New Anglia, is it? 
Shopkeeper: No, no it's, er, Ipswich. 
Praline: [TO CAMERA] That's Inter-Planetary Starships for you. [LEAVES] 
Man in porter's outfit standing at complaints desk for starline. Praline
approaches. 
Praline: I wish to make a complaint. 
Porter: I don't have to do this, you know. 
Praline: I beg your pardon? 
Porter: I'm a qualified brain surgeon. I only do this because I like
being
my own boss. 
Praline: Er, excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it? 
Porter: Oh yeah, it's not easy to pad these out to thirty minutes. 
Praline: Well I wish to make a complaint. I got on the New Anglia
starship
and found myself deposited here in Ipswich. 
Porter: No, this is New Anglia. 
Praline: [TO CAMERA] The alien emporium owner's brother was lying. 
Porter: Well you can't blame New Anglia Starships for that. 
Praline: If this is New Anglia, I shall return to the alien emporium. 
Caption: A LITTLE LATER LTD 
Praline walks into the shop again. 
Praline: I understand that this is New Anglia. 
Shopkeeper: Yes. 
Praline: Well, you told me it was Ipswich. 
Shopkeeper: It was a pun. 
Praline: A pun? 
Shopkeeper: No, no, not a pun, no. What's the other thing which reads
the
same backwards as forwards? 
Praline: A palindrome? 
Shopkeeper: Yes, yes. 
Praline: It's not a palindrome. The palindrome of New Anglia would be
Ailgna
Wen. It don't work. 
Shopkeeper: Look, what do you want? 
Praline: No I'm sorry, I'm not prepared to pursue my line of enquiry any
further as I think this is getting too silly. 
Colonel: [COMING IN] Quite agree. Quite agree. Silly. Silly... silly.
Right,
call the bat squad. Well, get on with it. 
*whack* <pause> *whack**whack**whack**whack**whack**whack**whack**whack*
<pause>*whack**whack*
Adapted from "All the Words: Volume One," by Graham Chapman, et. al.,
copyright 1989 Random House, Inc. 

Brendan
'Neath Southern Skies 
http://home.pacific.net.au/~southernskies/

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