[OT humor alert] Lawn Care

Well, maybe not so off topic concerning we sometimes talk about human
nature (UNSC) affecting future possibilities but basically, yes, it *is*
OT.  But it appealed to my knee jerk Traditionalist side and it is
funny.

--------- Begin forwarded message ----------
From: "Wilson, Glenn M." <WilsonG@nima.mil>
To<snip people you don't need to know about plus normal people <grin>>
Subject: Lawn Care
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 17:53:30 -0400

> 
> 
> Classification: Unclassified
> I got this in my e-mail and thought I would pass it on....
> 
<snip more of the same>

> 
> Imagine the conversation God might have had with St. Francis on the
>  subject of lawns:
> 
>  GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world
is
>  going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions,
>  violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect,
>  no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil,
>  withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long
>  lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of
>  songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now.  But all
I
>  see are these green rectangles.
> 
>  ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The
Suburbanites.
>  They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great	lengths
to
>  kill them and replace them with grass.
> 
>  GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
>  butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's
temperamental
>  with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass
>  growing there?
> 
>  ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it
and
>  keep it green. They begin each
>  spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops
up
>  in the lawn.
> 
>  GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow
really
>  fast. That must make the surbanites happy.
> 
>  ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they

>  cut it -- sometimes twice a week.
> 
>  GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
> 
>  ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in
>  bags.
> 
>  GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
> 
>  ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
> 
>  GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will
grow. 
>  And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
> 
>  ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
> 
>  GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut
back
>  on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and
saves
>  them a lot of work.
> 
>  ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass
stops
>  growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it
so
>  they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
> 
>  GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
>  sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves
in
>  the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn
they
>  fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the

>  soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves
form
>  compost to enhance the soil.  It's a natural circle of life. 
> 
>  ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a
new
>  circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles
and
>  pay to have them hauled away. 
> 
>  GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the
>  winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
> 
>  ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
>  something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it
round
in
>  place of the leaves.
> 
>  GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
> 
>  ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
> 
>  GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,
>  you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us
>  tonight?
> 
>  ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie
about....
> 
>  GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St.
Francis!
> 
--------- End forwarded message ----------

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