[HIST] The origin of the Second American Civil War and the NAC ab sorption of the former United States

<HUMOR>

I suspect, with the list behaving sporadically, this didn't make it. So
I
resend. 

We've always wondered what exactly brought about the chain of events St.
Jon
proposes in his future history. Quite clearly, many of us in North
America
found the takeover of the USA rather unlikely. But strangely, events
have
proven Sr. Tuffley far more prescient than any of us would suspect. I
guess
he just got the date wrong.... he did get the "who ends up running who"
part
right, as the article that follows will illustrate. 

Note: For the terminally humor deficient, this is in fact a bit of
tongue in
cheek humor, not a serious attempt to denigrate the US, its citizens,
nor to
advocate the return of the Monarchy. Good lord....  I'm of Scottish
stock!
So just enjoy it for the humor it is!

And as a strictly Canadian note, the Football they are talking about is
obviously the CFL.

>      NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE 
> 
> To the citizens of the United States of America, 
> 
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA 
> and thus to 
> govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your 
> independence, effective today. 
> 
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume 
> monarchical duties 
> over 
> all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, 
> which she 
> does 
> not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, 
> MP for the 
> 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a 
> world outside 
> your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the 
> need for 
> further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A 
> questionnaire 
> will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. 
> 
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the 
> following rules 
> are introduced with immediate effect: 
> 
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English 
> Dictionary. Then 
> look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will 
> be amazed at 
> just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you 
> should raise 
> your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". 
> Using the same 
> twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 
> "like" and "you 
> know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of 
> communication. Look up 
> "interspersed". 
> 
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let 
> Microsoft know on 
> your behalf. 
> 
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian 
> accents. It 
> really isn't that hard. 
> 
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English 
> actors as the 
> good guys. 
> 
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God 
> Save The Queen", 
> but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want 
> you to get 
> confused and give up half way through. 
> 
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only 
> one kind of 
> football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a 
> very good game. 
> The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside 
> your borders 
> may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. 
> You will no 
> longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper 
> football. 
> Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It 
> is a difficult 
> game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to 
> play rugby 
> (which is similar to American "football", but does not 
> involve stopping for 
> a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like 
> nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby 
> sevens side by 
> 2005. 
> 
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear 
> weapons if 
> they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware 
> that there is 
> a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. 
> The Russians 
> have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit". 
> 
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new 
> national holiday, but only in England. It will be called 
> "Indecisive Day". 
> 
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it 
> is for your 
> own 
> good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. 
> 
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. 
> 
> Thank you for your cooperation.
 
</HUMOR>