Re: FW: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE]

In a typical British rush to imperialism, you have neglected to note
that we have until January 20, 2001 to select a new president. 
However, we do have the following questions and comments:

1. Would this revocation of independence also include the elimination
of all good-tasting food and confiscation of any spices we may
possess?

2. Would we have to close down all tanning salons and open up centers
for paling (although Michael Jackson seems up for it)?

3. We suppose we could compromise on the national symbol, combining
the British lion and the American eagle to a new symbol, the griffon.

4. We think tabloid journalism is bad enough here already; would we
really have to become as fanatic about it as the motherland?

5. If 97.85% (or 98.85% -- you seem confused) of us are unaware of a
world outside our borders, how can we look down our nose at them?

6. Do you realize the riots that will occur when you try to take away
everyone's morning coffee and replace it with tea?

7. Would we have to send a special police force to Boston to beat up
the Irish?

8. Is this the end of America's cable television system?  Will we now
be reduced to two channels?

9. In response to your calling our American football players nancies,
we will be sending a delegation consisting of the offensive line of
the Philadelphia Eagles to address your concerns.  The delegation
will be headed by 6'7" 330 lb. Offensive Tackle John Runyan who has
expressed excitement over meeting the person who made that comment. 
Also, 6'7" 349 lb. Offensive Tackle Tra Thomas has relayed an
interest in getting into a rugby game with some of his possible
fellow countrymen.  I believe his sentiments were to the effect that
he hoped to meet some "real men" who didn't need that pansy body
armor he uses.	(We felt the choice of Philadelphia to represent us
was appropriate since that is where we finally decided to stop taking
your crap and kick your ass last time.)

10.  As to the comment that we might wish to play SOCCER with the
girls, we would be happy to send our silver-medal-winning women's
SOCCER team over to play your men's team, which fared much worse than
our fourth-place boys in the recent Olympic competition.  We believe
that would be a more appropriate match.

11. Banning American cars would do a disservice to all the British
subjects who don't care for the tight stiff ride of an all too
utilitarian affordable German car and can't afford the overpriced,
problem-ridden Jaguars of their native land.  (Of course that is now
an American owned entity so it may be disqualified.)

12. Finally, to your comments concerning Quebec and the French.  You
will recall that the French were of great assistance to us in defying
your arrogance in the late 18th century.  We feel it would be
inappropriate for us to forget that kindness.  However, considering
the recent behavior of the French, if you would like to team up with
them in your collective insults toward the U.S., we would be happy to
take on both of you at once although that still wouldn't be fair. 
Maybe you should ask Germany for some help too since you like their
cars so much.

13. Please tell us what really happened with Princess Diana.  It's
been driving us crazy.